And the music gets louder. . .

I have been avoiding my blog the last while because I haven't been eating great and I didn't want to post about it.

Vacation was fun and I had a vacation from worrying about what I'm eating. It's been hard to get back on track. The other day was a particularly bad day. By the end of the day I felt like I had been so out of control it really scared me. I determined the next day would be better.

By 1:00 p.m the next day. I still hadn't allowed myself to eat anything because I didn't trust myself to make good choices. I decided that was stupid and had a protein shake to start my day of eating off. I actually did really well. The next day was also much better.

One of the things I did to help myself get back on track was to go back and re-read my entire blog from the beginning. I was reminded of my mindset from all those months ago. I really needed a readjustment back to focusing on making choices because they are healthy instead of making choices because they fit a certain plan or program. (I'm referring to the Health and Wellness Challenge I did for 12 weeks that ended just prior to my last vacation.)

During the challenge, I found myself working around the rules and eating things that weren't necessarily healthy, but still qualified for the rules of the program. For example: No Sugar Added ice cream fit the bill of No Sugar, but it was certainly not a healthy food to be consuming because it still had a lot of fat and calories. So I began seeking out treats that would qualify within the guidelines of the challenge.

Well, once the challenge ended, I was free to seek out treats that were no longer forbidden. Add that freedom to vacation and it quickly became a problem. It just became a constant mindset of "What treat can I have next? " I was always seeking out what there was yummy to eat next. Totally pre-band mentality. I cannot go there again and continue or even maintain losing weight.

So the scale reflected all of this struggle. The morning after my particularly bad day my weight was up several pounds. I didn't even want to know, but not knowing was scarier to me. So after 2 days of better eating, I'm back down a few of those, but still not back to my lowest, or even my lower numbers. I'm going to give myself a week and then I'll readjust my ticker to where I really am.

I really tend to avoid posting when I am struggling, but I don't want to give a false impression that things are always easy and that there aren't still obstacles and struggles. There are. I just need to remember that I'm in this battle for life.

Early on in my blogging, I said "In this weight loss marathon, I still need to keep jogging, not slow down for a walk, or even sit to rest." I found those words very profound the other day when I read them. What I've done recently is slow down to a walk and even sat down to rest for a while--even taking a few steps backwards. I need to move forward and that is what I am doing and plan on continuing to do.