Moving again

Yes, we are serial movers!

This time is for real, though. My hubby got a promotion and we are moving to North Eastern Montana. It is very cold, very remote, and a very small town. It has taken some getting used to for me to get excited about going there, but I'm there now. Life is just full of change and growth.

At least this time the company will move us, so it will be a lot less work on our end. It's been a while since we have done a long-distance move. This should be interesting.

Checking in

Wow, it's like pulling teeth to get myself to come over here and post. I've gotten lots of comments online and in real life that people miss hearing from me, so here I am. I do appreciate all the support and love from my friends.

This blog has been about so much exciting change in my life, it's hard to write about when the change is not exciting. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be pregnant and don't mind some changes to my body for this purpose. But the whole last two years of my life have been this incredible ride of change and discovery and heading down the scale while my self-esteem has gone up. It's hard to be going the other direction. There's no high. There are sighs of frustration when I step on the scale only to see it going up and up and up. (I am not weighing very often, just before I go to the doctor so I can prepare myself.) There are realizations that things are harder now because I'm not only pregnant, but heavier. I am having a hard time with my clothes. I have a few maternity things that fit, but not a lot and there's still some issues with some of the ones that do fit. I just don't feel beautiful or confident in my physical self right now.

I'm also going to quit reporting how much weight I have gained. I reserve the right as a pregnant lady to not broadcast my weight. :) I will just summarize it by saying that I've already gained more than I wanted to my whole pregnancy. I've gained more than I have with my other children. It's frustrating. It has come on so fast. I know that I'm at fault because I haven't stuck to being as healthy as I can be. I know I have to give myself some leeway because I'm pregnant, but not so much that I use it as an excuse to forget everything I have learned.

I did pretty good on my goals for January for the first two weeks, not so well the second two weeks. It's nice to have a new month to start over.

I had a conversation with someone today that totally caught me off guard, but was a huge blessing. We were talking about things going on in my life, nothing too heavy and he asked me if I was doing okay. He said I seemed like I was really run down. That I seemed to be at the end of my rope. To my surprise I started to cry. I hadn't realized it was that obvious, but I am having a really hard time with the weight gain as well as some potential changes coming up for our family that I will mention if they pan out. It was good for me, I guess, to realize how stressed I am right now and to let it out a bit.

This person then went on to tell me that he'd been thinking a lot about me and my story lately because he has decided to get dedicated to becoming physically fit. He is going to start running and has some pretty big goals as far as races to train for. So he, in turn, inspired me after being inspired by me.

So I went to my car, cried a little more, then decided instead of wallowing in my sadness and frustration to go to the gym and get on the treadmill. It felt good to be taking charge of my situation, rather than moaning and whining about poor me, gaining too much weight.

I made some healthier choices today as far as snacks, etc. I'm not eating out of control like I was during the holidays, but I'm not eating carefully either. Having my fluid out of my Lapband and eating full portions of regular food is probably part of the weight gain as well.

I'm very grateful to know that the band is there ready and waiting for me when I'm done with the pregnancy and ready to start losing serious weight again.

So for baby news:

I am a little over halfway through my pregnancy. The ultrasound shows that we're having a boy. I have been feeling him kick for the last couple of weeks. I love feeling the little flutters. I can even watch the surface of my skin sometimes and see my belly move with the little kicks. It will be fun when they are strong enough for the rest of the family to feel them or even see them. I have some cute ultrasound pictures that I will share.

New year and new goals

Hi again.

Time to face the music. This last month has not been kind to me, weight-wise. I've gained pretty close to 20 pounds in the last month. Unbelievable! That's enough to scare me straight. I acknowledge that much of it may be pregnancy caused, but certainly not all of it. I know my poor eating and lack of exercise has caused a lot of it.

My goals for right now can really only involve my actions, not controlling the results on the scale. So, for the month of January, I'm going to exercise every week day, for a total goal of 21 days.

Also, no sweets or desserts until Valentine's Day. I will have some on that occasion, then no more again until Easter. I'm sure much of my weight gain is chocolate-related.

I will also try to make healthier food choices, but I honestly think the above two goals are the crux of my problem right now, so getting that under control will help a lot.

I will try to blog more often to keep myself more accountable. Must not gain crazy amounts of weight any more.

Enjoying being able to eat again!

So it really feels like I don't have a band at all. He took out 7.8 ccs. I didn't realize there was that much fluid in there.

One thing I'm really appreciating is being able to eat in a shorter amount of time. If I have to leave in 20 minutes and still need to eat breakfast, I can do it. Before the unfill there was no way! I would have had to take it with me.

I'm not doing so great on food choices right now. Not horrible, but not good.

I think I've gained at least five pounds in the week since he took the fluid out. I'm not surprised. I'm eating at least twice what I was consuming before which wasn't enough.

I'm really enjoying being able to eat things like grapes, oranges, apples with peels, etc. Not that all my choices are that healthy, but I really am glad to be able to eat again.

I know it's going to be a major adjustment to get restriction again. It won't be until July next year at least. That's a long ways off! I am very grateful that I have the band and that it could be adjusted so I could eat. If I had a non-adjustable form of WLS, I would just end up having trouble for the whole nine months. Although it may not have tightened up like the band did. Who knows.

Oh, by the way, my heartburn is completely gone. It was just the band being too tight. Now I know what to look for in the case of an overfill. Not fun.

How do you spell relief?

Wow. I feel amazing. I was able to eat dinner tonight without stopping and breathing deep and saying, "I hurt." It was great. A too-tight band is not my friend!

I won't need to follow up with my surgeon until after the baby is born and I'm ready to get the band filled back up.

Now if I can just keep from gaining oodles of weight with this pregnancy we'll be good to go!

Getting it all out

This week I'm going to see my surgeon and get all the fluid taken out of my band. I haven't been able to eat properly for the last few weeks. The heartburn isn't bothering me right now, but I've been taking Nexium, so that's probably why.

I've had a hard time eating much of anything solid. It's been rough. I do not like being so tight. Two bites and I'm full? Painfully full? Even sometimes drinking plain liquid, (warm tea, or water even) is painful. That's not what the band has been for me. So, I'm just going to go ahead and get the fluid removed. Hopefully that will help with both the acid reflux and not being able to eat.

I've gained about 7-10 pounds. I'm sitting right around 200 on my home scale. Not too bad. It's still hard to see my weight going up.

I've been feeling a bit of depression trying to seep into my life. I know I need to kick it in the butt with good nutrition and exercise. It might take a bit to get there, but I will get on a good schedule again.

Surgeon's Visit

My surgeon's visit was great. He was very happy with how I look and how I'm doing. I was about 200 last time I was there, I've gotten as low as 188 and am back around 200 again. I weighed exactly 200 at his office. (Deep breaths!) But apparently I look different to him, so that's cool.

He said since I'm not having issues with vomiting or extreme band tightness, he'll just leave my fill until my third trimester at which point he'll take all the fluid out. Won't that be weird? I haven't even had to have an unfill yet, so I haven't gone backwards on restriction except for the natural fluctuations in the band and weight loss.

He said one of the biggest issues for pregnant ladies is the port bothering them. Since my port is detached, it should be just fine. He said he has actually removed ports from two pregnant women. One of them he put back in shortly after the baby came and the other one he said decided to just get her band out because 6 months after baby she hadn't put any weight back on. She was confident in her new lifestyle.

Last night I woke up with burning in my throat from acid reflux. I used to have that a lot before my surgery, but it was under control with Nexium. After surgery I was able to stop taking the Nexium. So last night I got up and took a Nexium and drank some Alka Selzer Heartburn Relief. Looks like the surgery helped me with run-of-the-mill heartburn, but maybe not pregnancy-induced heartburn.

I've been so tired I haven't been exercising lately, but with the beautiful weather today (74) I think we're going to have to go for a family walk!